Catering Your Own Wedding: Bartending Question

Q: Can you tell us how many drinks are in a keg of beer? We're catering our own wedding. Thanks

Mary D.

A:

First, if you are planning a self catered wedding be sure to read our section on catering your own wedding for TONS of great tips and advice. If you are into DIY, you really can save a lot of money when you cater your own wedding, but to avoid problems, you'll need this terrific tutorial on how to cater your own wedding.

Now, for the answer to this question, I consulted Chef Mike Flowers, author of the book "Cater Your Own Wedding ". He informed me that the standard keg is 15.5 gallons, which will serve approximately one hundred and sixty 12 oz. glasses of beer.

Wedding Ceremony on a Boat?

Q: My fiance and I would love to get married on our 19' boat at a local state park lake, however, we have no idea as to how to make this happen. We would like it if our family and friends could view the ceremony somehow and only have the wedding party on the boat with us. We don't even know how to find out how we would go about finding someone to marry us on the boat (we do not belong to any church). I'm hoping you can lead us in the right direction with some useful ideas as to how to make our boat wedding work out.

Sincere thanks

Tammy Z.

A:

Since you do not belong to a church, a civil ceremony, as opposed to a religious one, will probably be the route you will want to take. Usually civil wedding ceremonies are performed by the Justice of the Peace, however, depending on where you live, it may also be customary to have it officiated by the county clerk, mayor, township committee chair, governor, clerk of Superior Court, a judge, or magistrate. Simply call your local marriage license bureau and they will put you in touch with the office of the appropriate official to perform your wedding ceremony. If you are unable to locate the marriage license bureau in your local area, call city hall. City Hall will be able to put you directly in touch with local officials who perform marriage ceremonies, or they can give you the number to the marriage license bureau.

When you have located an officiant for your ceremony, he or she may be able to provide suggestions to assist you with planning your boat wedding. Most officials who perform civil ceremonies have married people in almost every imaginable setting, under every imaginable circumstance! They usually have the experience to guide you when it comes to doing something a little less traditional, such as what you are proposing.

As long as your wedding takes place not too far off shore, your guests may be able to gather to observe the ceremony from the edge of the lake in the state park that you mention. Do be sure to consider this from your guests perspective, however. Will they enjoy coming to observe your ceremony from a distance, particularly if they are unable to hear what is being said or to see it well? Will they feel like they are part of what is going on? If not, will they find the experience somewhat disappointing? Will they feel slighted or snubbed for not being part of the intimate ceremony atmosphere taking place on the boat? How about your family? Will they feel left out for being made to watch your wedding from a distance, as an observer as opposed to being "part" of it? And what about yourselves? Have you considered this idea carefully? Are you certain you won't want your dear ones a little closer when you exchange vows of promise and love with the person you will spend the rest of your life with? Are you sure that you do not want to share the ceremony a little more closely with your family and friends?

There are no right and wrong answers to these questions. I raise them only to ensure that you have taken the feelings of your guests into consideration, and that you have considered this idea from all angles and are still satisfied with the plan. As long as you are doing things in a way that is filled with meaning and importance to you, and so that no one's feelings are hurt or offended, then you are doing it correctly. Just make sure that you have carefully thought such a plan through so that there will be no regrets later.

If you decide to go ahead with the plan as it is, be certain that your wedding invitation is worded in a manner which prepares guests for what will occur; for the fact that the wedding will take place on a boat with only members of the wedding party aboard, and that guests are invited to watch from shore. Etiquette demands that you extend this courtesy to your guests.

If you feel that the considerations I have mentioned are beginning to make your idea more complicated, then consider keeping the ceremony private - only those who will be on the boat would be invited. To the rest of the guests, extend an invitation to the reception only.

Have a wonderful wedding!

Can I Remove a Bridesmaid from the Wedding Party?

Q: I asked a friend to be in my wedding and now I regret it. I asked my bridesmaids too soon and I am left with one that I am not comfortable with anymore. We aren't very good friends, in fact we are closer to acquaintances. I had asked her as just an off-handed comment, but when she later asked me to be in hers, which I know was to return the favor, I then felt I had to keep her in - even though my offer was completely non-committal. So am I in essence "stuck" with her or can I ask a closer friend to be in her place? This woman lives three hours away and we very rarely have contact.

Rachel N.

A:

There is no question that you are in a very tough, un-enviable spot - and you are certainly not alone. This is a common problem encountered by brides-to-be. It is the very reason that I always urge couples to think very carefully before asking anyone to be a member of the wedding party, rather than spontaneously rushing into decisions. I generally suggest that people wait until the point that they have begun the actual wedding planning process before asking attendants, as so much can change with the passage of a little bit of time.

There's no question that it's best to avoid getting into these situations in the first place - because once they arise there is no easy way out, and it does become a sticky mess. Unfortunately, however, as in this case, sometimes that advice comes too late and suddenly you find yourself in the very position you are in now.

Without a doubt, your wedding will probably be the single most important day in your life, and it is so important to surround yourself on that day of all days with people who really matter; the type you know will likely be around for a long time to come. When you look back at your wedding pictures ten years from now, will the people you see in your photos still be a meaningful part of your life?

Will you even know where to find them? If you can't answer yes to these questions, you may be choosing the wrong people.

However, the problem is that you did ask this girl, and unfortunately you may now have to live with that decision. To remove her or ask her to step down could be a very hurtful thing to do and therefore is absolutely not advisable. It is so important to project good manners, graciousness, and kindness of heart at all times surrounding an event like one's wedding. To behave any other way is unbecoming of a bride.

The only time it is justifiable to remove someone from a wedding party is when there has been a serious falling out with that individual, when the individual has shown a blatant disregard for their role in the wedding, or has behaved extremely offensively or hurtful to you or other members of the wedding party. Since you've mentioned nothing of the sort, I'm assuming this is not the case in your situation. From what you've said, it sounds much more like a spontaneous, spur of the moment thing, where unfortunately you spoke before you had the chance to clearly think the matter through. It was an innocent mistake, but one which you may have no choice now but to live with - if you are going to do the right thing. And, it appears obvious to me that you do have great concern for doing the right thing, as evidenced by the fact that you took the time to submit this question.

However, it is not game over yet. As I said earlier, it is very important to have people in the wedding party who have great meaning to you, and so, with regards to the other young lady you now feel you would have preferred to ask, there is no reason why she cannot still be added. If you are worried about having an unequal number of bridesmaids to groomsmen, this need not be a concern. Today, this is being done frequently in wedding parties. All it may mean, in this case, is that one lucky groomsmen will have the privilege of escorting two ladies - a lady on each arm - instead of just one! (The guy will love this!). It can, in fact, be quite charming and delightfully refreshing in the eyes of your guests! Perhaps the very thing to make your wedding stand out in their minds as being a little more memorable! At the same time it can provide a very workable solution to your dilemma whereby everyone is happy, everyone gets what they want, and no one gets hurt.

So, you can still work with the situation, you see? The main thing is to ensure that you do nothing to make the young lady feel uncomfortable, unwanted, or unwelcome - even if it means applying extra special effort and going out of your way to ensure this. It is not her fault that you may have spoken too soon, and therefore she cannot, and should not, be punished.