Proper Timing For Engagement Party

Q: My sister in-law got engaged on New Year's Eve. Her mother and I would like to give the couple an engagement party. The wedding is definitely a year and a half to two years away, but we would like to recognize this special occasion. What would you suggest?

A:

An engagement party is entirely appropriate. There is no need to be concerned about the fact that the wedding may be two years away; this is not atypical. The average duration of an engagement at the present time is eighteen to twenty-four months.

An engagement party is a wonderful way for the couple's engagement to be officially announced to family and friends. This is, in fact, the traditional and customary way to announce an engagement. If the couple so chooses, they may also place an engagement announcement in the local newspaper following the party, but not before.

Engagement parties may be formal or informal, large or small - whatever suits the couple's style. As a rule, just as in the case of a bridal shower, it is not appropriate to invite individuals to an engagement party if they will not also be invited to the wedding. The only exception would be when the wedding is to be an extremely small and very private affair.

Some possible options for an engagement party may include a sit down dinner, brunch or luncheon - held either in a restaurant or in the home, a cocktail party, pool party, back yard barbecue, or whatever else strikes your fancy! Happy planning!

What Is a Host Bar?

Q: Help! I've been invited to a wedding and the invitation states "Host Bar". I have no idea what this means. Can you tell me what "Host Bar" is?

A:

A "Host Bar" refers to the scenario in which the hosts of the wedding or function will provide alcoholic beverages for their guests. This is the opposite of a "Cash Bar", which refers to the scenario whereby guests are expected to pay for their own liquor consumption, a situation which does not adhere to proper wedding etiquette. Although having a "Cash Bar" at a wedding is highly discouraged, today some do it nonetheless. Hope this clears up the confusion!

Inviting 'Half a Couple'

Q: I'm getting married next summer. Because of budget and space limitations, we have decided not to allow any of our guests to bring dates, unless, of course, they are married. One of my friends has just found this out and is making my life miserable, insisting that I allow her to bring her boyfriend. She has told me it is bad manners to invite only "half a couple". I find her behavior about this to be extremely rude and selfish. This is my wedding, not hers. How dare she tell me how to arrange my guest list? She is not even engaged to this man. They have only been dating for about a year. What do you say about all of this?

A:

The issue of inviting "half a couple" to a wedding is a highly sensitive one. I understand it is frustrating when you are short on space or funds. However, before you become too worked up over guests who are upset at not being allowed to be escorted by their significant others', try to put yourself in their position, and understand it from their points of view. For many couples, being asked to attend a highly social occasion like a wedding without their steady boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner may present great discord within the relationship. Often it leaves a guest feeling that if their "other half" isn't invited to attend, perhaps they should not attend either, rather than going and leaving their partner behind. This type of situation can put some of your guests in a very difficult position.

Certainly, you would never extend a wedding invitation to only half of a married couple. By the same token, many couples who aren't married feel just as strongly for, and committed to, each other as those who are married. Therefore, receiving an invitation for only one of them to attend a social function often presents a very awkward and often unpleasant situation. Always put yourself in your guest's position - how would you feel if you were invited to a wedding but told to leave your partner behind? Perhaps a little hurt, offended, concerned? And how would your partner feel about this? Just something to think about.

Remember, an important part of hosting a wedding lies in mastering the art of being a highly gracious host. This means applying consideration and concern for your guest's comfort and enjoyment at all times.

How Much To Spend on a Wedding Gift?

Q: Is there a basic guide indicating how much to spend on a wedding gift?

Ginna F.

A:

Generally speaking, if you will be attending the wedding, plan to spend $50 - $100 on a wedding gift. This amount represents a gift from one person; thus, if the gift is from a couple the value would be in the $100 - $200 range.

If you are not attending the wedding but wish to send the couple a gift, there are no guidelines pertaining to value; however, it is not uncommon to spend less on a gift for a wedding you will not attend than on one which you will be attending. As an additional note, it is not actually necessary to send a gift for a wedding you are not attending, though many choose to do so. And finally, wedding gifts may in fact be sent up to one year after the wedding date.