Gift Registry Information on Wedding Invitation?

Q: Is it proper or tacky to enclose the bridal gift registry list in the original wedding invitation? Please reply as we are sending out invitations soon.

A:

I'm afraid this would be very improper etiquette. There are only two ways in which it is appropriate to provide gift registry information - enclosed within a bridal shower invitation, or via word of mouth. Keep in mind that etiquette tells us that gifts should never be expected by a bride and groom, and guests should never be made to feel that gifts are a "requirement". While most guests will, of course, choose to give you a gift, technically, this is to be entirely at their option. To make any reference of any kind to gifts on or with the wedding invitation would be to imply that you *expect* guests will bring gifts, and that would be a no-no.

Bridal shower invitations, however, are an entirely different matter. Registry information can - and should - be included with shower invites because the traditional purpose and intent of a shower was to "shower" the bride with items she can use to stock her new home (gifts). Hope this helps - have a terrific wedding!

Very best wishes,

Linda Kevich
Professional Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com

Shower Gifts and a Canceled Wedding

Q: I was engaged to my girlfriend, Penelope, for approximately 1 year. Sadly, we recently broke-up. Our wedding was scheduled to take place on June 29th. Her bridal shower took place last month. Penelope and I remain friends, and we are discussing some of the etiquette issues related to this. Should Penelope return her bridal shower gifts? Penelope says "yes" because the wedding has been called off. I say "no" because the gifts were bridal shower gifts, not wedding gifts. Thus, I don't feel that she needs to return the gifts. Thank you.

Broken Hearted in the Windy City

A:

Dear Broken Hearted,

So sorry to hear that things didn't work out. I am afraid that proper etiquette does require that Penelope return all shower gifts. The showers gifts were given for no other reason than the fact that there was a impending wedding. Therefore, it is not appropriate to keep them. They must promptly be returned to the gift-givers, along with a brief note of explanation, along the follow lines:

 

"Dear Sue, Jason and I regret to announce that our wedding has been canceled, by mutual consent. I am therefore returning the lovely tea pot you gave as a shower gift. We both thank you for your thoughtfulness and generosity. Love, Penelope

Very best wishes,

Linda Kevich
Professional Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com

How to Address an Invitation to a Couple When the Wife is a Doctor

Q: If the wife is a Dr. and the husband is not, what is the correct form for addressing invitation? Is it Mr. and Dr.....?
Also, should the inner envelope face the back or front of the outer envelope?

David

A:

Any time you are addressing a wedding invitation to a woman with a professional title, whether the husband also has a professional title or not, her name should appear on the outer envelope on a line by itself, above her husband's name. So in your case, it would look like this:

 

Doctor Mary Smith Mr. Robert Smith 123 Green Street New York, New York 12345

 

If both the husband and wife happened to be doctors, it would look like this:

 

Doctor Mary Smith Doctor Robert Smith 123 Green Street New York, New York 12345

Notice also that you should not abbreviate the word doctor, and that you do not use the word 'and' to separate the husband and wife's names in this case.

With regards, to your question about placement of the inner envelope: the front of the inner envelope should be facing the back of the outer envelope. When the outer envelope is opened, your guest should see the front face of the inner envelope.

The best to you!

Linda Kevich
Professional Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com

Is it Proper to Invite Someone to Attend Only a Shower, and Not the Wedding?

Q: Is it OK to send out shower invitations to people but not send them a wedding invitation?

A:

No, that would be highly improper etiquette. Anyone invited to the shower must also be invited to the wedding. When it comes right down to it, showers are essentially a solicitation of gifts. It's not polite to ask someone to give you a shower gift, and then not include them in the wedding festivities.

Linda Kevich
Professional Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com

When is it Proper to Open Wedding Gifts Received Prior to the Wedding Day?

Q: Our wedding is in May. We are already receiving gifts from family out of state. Is it appropriate / inappropriate to open some of the gifts at this time? Thank you

Amy and Ray

A:

You may open gifts as soon as they are received. It's important to note, however, that a thank you card should be issued immediately upon receipt of all gifts sent to your prior to the wedding. Be sure to refer the the items specifically in your thank you card, tell the giver how much you like it, and how you will make use of it (where applicable).

Very best wishes,

Linda Kevich
Professional Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Director, International Institute of Weddings

Having Guests Pay For Their Meal

Q: I was wondering about having guest pay the bill. We were married (eloped) in November and just now we are making plans for a reception in March. We don't want any wedding gifts but was wondering how to word the invitation to the reception that they would have to pay their meal. We are supplying the entertainment also! Please let me know what you think. Thank You!

Kathy

A:

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this would not be considered proper or acceptable from an etiquette stand point. The word "guest" implies that they are being hosted - and that means that the hosts (you and your husband) are paying the bill. It is poor etiquette - not to mention a contradiction - to ask people to be your guest, and then require that they pay any portion whatsoever of the bill. In order to maintain good taste, you would be far better off to plan a different form of celebration, one which would more easily fall within your budget to host. For example, a reception in the home with cocktails and finger food can be very elegant, yet MUCH more affordable than a dinner reception in a restaurant, club, hotel, or other facility. Receptions in the home, in fact, can be very intimate and are becoming quite fashionable at the current time. It would allow you to put on a class act, yet stay within a budget you can afford. With a little creativity, there are many other alternatives for hosting a fabulous, but more cost efficient celebration as well. It would be appropriate to look for such alternatives rather than asking guests to foot any part of the bill. Very best wishes to you and your new husband!

Linda Kevich
Professional Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com

Must I Give a Wedding Gift If I've Already Given a Shower Gift?

Q: I am attending a wedding, where I already bought a shower gift for the bride. Is a wedding gift now required also? Or am I covered since I already gave? I'd really appreciate your advice. Thanks!

A:

The wedding and the shower are two separate occasions, so yes, it would be customary to give a wedding gift even if you have already given a shower gift. However, keep in mind that wedding gifts are never "required", very technically speaking, according to etiquette. A wedding is supposed to be a "no strings attached" event, meaning attendance is never supposed to be conditional on the provision of a gift. While most guests do give gifts since it is the gracious thing to do, etiquette states that gifts are always provided strictly at the guest's option, and should never be expected by the bride and groom.

Very best wishes,

Linda Kevich
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Director, International Institute of Weddings