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Shower
Gifts and a Canceled Wedding
Q: I
was engaged to my girlfriend, Penelope, for approximately 1 year.
Sadly, we recently broke-up. Our wedding was scheduled to take place
on June 29th. Her bridal shower took place last month. Penelope and I
remain friends, and we are discussing some of the etiquette issues
related to this. Should Penelope return her bridal shower gifts?
Penelope says "yes" because the wedding has been called
off. I say "no" because the gifts were bridal shower gifts,
not wedding gifts. Thus, I don't feel that she needs to return the
gifts. Thank you.
Broken
Hearted in the Windy City
A:
Dear Broken Hearted,
So
sorry to hear that things didn't work out. I am afraid that proper
etiquette does require that Penelope return all shower gifts. The
showers gifts were given for no other reason than the fact that there
was a impending wedding. Therefore, it is not appropriate to keep
them. They must promptly be returned to the gift-givers, along with a
brief note of explanation, along the follow lines:
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"Dear
Sue,
Jason
and I regret to announce that our wedding has been cancelled, by
mutual consent. I am therefore returning the lovely tea pot you gave
as a shower gift. We both thank you for your thoughtfulness and generosity.
Love,
Penelope |
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Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com
How
to Address an Invitation to a Couple
When
the Wife is a Doctor
Q: If
the wife is a Dr. and the husband is not, what is the correct form
for addressing invitation? Is it Mr. and Dr.....?
Also,
should the inner envelope face the back or front of the outer envelope?
David
A: Any
time you are addressing a wedding invitation to a woman with a
professional title, whether the husband also has a professional title
or not, her name should appear on the outer envelope on a line by
itself, above her husband's name. So in your case, it would look like this:
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Doctor
Mary Smith
Mr.
Robert Smith
123
Green Street
New
York, New York
12345 |
If
both the husband and wife happened to be doctors, it would look like this:
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Doctor
Mary Smith
Doctor
Robert Smith
123
Green Street
New
York, New York
12345 |
Notice
also that you should not abbreviate the word doctor, and that you do
not use the word 'and' to separate the husband and wife's names in
this case.
With
regards, to your question about placement of the inner envelope: the
front of the inner envelope should be facing the back of the outer
envelope. When the outer envelope is opened, your guest should see
the front face of the inner envelope.
The
best to you!
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Is
it Proper to Invite Someone to Attend Only a Shower, and Not the Wedding?
Q: Is
it ok to send out shower invitations to people but not send them a
wedding invitation?
A: No,
that would be highly improper etiquette. Anyone invited to the
shower must also be invited to the wedding. When it comes right down
to it, showers are essentially a solicitation of gifts. It's not
polite to ask someone to give you a shower gift, and then not include
them in the wedding festivities.
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
When
is it Proper to Open Wedding Gifts
Received
Prior to the Wedding Day?
Q: Our
wedding is in May. We are already receiving gifts from family out of
state. Is it appropriate / inappropriate to open some of the gifts at
this time? Thank you,
Amy and Ray
A: You
may open gifts as soon as they are received. It's important to note,
however, that a thank you card should be issued immediately upon
receipt of all gifts sent to your prior to the wedding. Be sure to
refer the the items specifically in your thank you card, tell the
giver how much you like it, and how you will make use of it (where applicable).
Very best wishes,
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Director,
International Institute of Weddings
Having
Guests Pay For Their Meal
Q: I
was wondering about having guest pay the bill. We were married
(eloped) in November and just now we are making plans for a reception
in March. We don't want any wedding gifts but was wondering how to
word the invitation to the reception that they would have to pay
their meal. We are supplying the entertainment also! Please let me
know what you think. Thank You!
Kathy
A: Dear
Kathy,
I hate to be the
bearer of bad news, but this would not be considered proper or
acceptable from an etiquette stand point. The word "guest"
implies that they are being hosted - and that means that the hosts
(you and your husband) are paying the bill. It is poor etiquette -
not to mention a contradiction - to ask people to be your guest, and
then require that they pay any portion whatsoever of the bill. In
order to maintain good taste, you would be far better off to plan a
different form of celebration, one which would more easily fall
within your budget to host. For example, a reception in the home with
cocktails and finger food can be very elegant, yet MUCH more
affordable than a dinner reception in a restaraunt, club, hotel, or
other facility. Receptions in the home, in fact, can be very intimate
and are becoming quite fashionable at the current time. It would
allow you to put on a class act, yet stay within a budget you can
afford. With a little creativity, there are many other alternatives
for hosting a fabulous, but more cost efficient celebration as well.
It would be appropriate to look for such alternatives rather than
asking guests to foot any part of the bill. Very best wishes to you
and your new husband!
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Must
I Give a Wedding Gift If I've Already
Given
a Shower Gift?
Q: I
am attending a wedding, where I already bought a shower gift for the
bride. Is a wedding gift now required also? Or am I covered since I
already gave? I'd really appreciate your advice. Thanks!
A: The
wedding and the shower are two separate occasions, so yes, it would
be customary to give a wedding gift even if you have already given a
shower gift. However, keep in mind that wedding gifts are never
"required", very technically speaking, according to
etiquette. A wedding is supposed to be a "no strings
attached" event, meaning attendance is never supposed to be
conditional on the provision of a gift. While most guests do give
gifts since it is the gracious thing to do, etiquette states that
gifts are always provided strictly at the guest's option, and should
never be expected by the bride and groom.
Very best wishes,
Linda Kevich
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Director,
International Institute of Weddings |
