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Gifts
of Appreciation for Parents
Q:
My
fiance and I are wanting to get our parents a little something for
helping us with our wedding. We are paying for the wedding ourselves.
What kind of gifts are appropriate and when should we give the gifts
to them?
Tiesha
A:
It
is indeed traditional for the bride and groom to each give their
parents a gift of appreciation on, or shortly before, the day of the
wedding. I think you might find an article I have written on this
subject to be useful. In it you will find some suggestions for gifts,
and links to online stores which specialize in personalized gifts for
parents of the bride and groom. Pay particular close attention to the
idea of having a star named in their honor (yes, a star in the sky!)
- parents are always absolutely thrilled by this; it's a wonderful
way of paying tribute to them, and of letting them know how special
they are! You'll be able to read more about this, and will find all
of your other gift-giving questions answered in the article.
Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com
Can
a Second-Time Bride Wear White?
Q: This
will be my second marriage, however it will be my fiance's first. My
two daughters seven and three sons will also be in the wedding. My
biggest concern is what color gown should I wear? I do not want to
offend anyone by wearing white. My mother thinks I should wear an
ivory dress because that would be more appropriate. I live in a
smaller city and the wedding coordinators at the boutiques I go to do
not have a real opinion on this. Could your please help me out?
Thank
you,
Mariela
A: The
notion that a second-time bride can not wear white is actually a bit
of a misconception. In fact, it is not at all objectionable in the
eyes of modern etiquette for a bride who has been married before to
wear white when she remarries.
It
is actually the wearing of a veil, not the wearing of white as some
believe, which is the symbol of purity and virginity for a bride, and
therefore it is the veil which would be considered inappropriate and
should be avoided in your situation. Instead opt for a small
headpiece, or flowers in your hair, but feel free to wear white if
that is what you wish - you will be violating no rule of modern etiquette.
Ultimately,
when it comes to the color of your dress, you should wear whatever
will make you feel most beautiful for your groom. Today there is a
range of selection for both first time brides and 'encore brides';
you can choose from white, off-white, ivory, ecru, or cream - or even
select a pale pastel if you wish.
Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com
Is
it Proper to Have a "Money Tree"?
Q: My
son and future bride have indicated they need a proper way to let
the invitees to the wedding and reception know that they do not want
any presents - ie: dishes, microwave ovens or chainsaws - just money
because they need it for the honeymoon. My wife was told by her
colleagues that it is proper to print "money tree" at the
bottom of the invitation following the RSVP information. I consulted
with my son's fiancee who is from the Philippines and she said that
it is a custom there and proper.
This
is not an extravaganza. They will marry in a small church in Las
Vegas and we will host a dinner in a nice restaurant, no band, for
close friends only.
Thanks,
Frank
A: Let
me give you the full run-down on this issue:
When
it comes to traditional American etiquette, it is actually
considered very inappropriate to refer to any expectation of gifts on
the wedding invitation. In accordance with proper etiquette, it is
never proper to expect gifts at all. Gifts at a wedding are not a
requirement; they are always considered to be strictly at the guest's
option. Therefore, if one were to make any reference to gifts on the
invitation, it would inappropriately imply to guests that they ARE
required or expected to provide a present in exchange for the
privilege of attending the event. Thus, I'm afraid that your wife's
friends have given her incorrect etiquette advice. While I am sure
that they have seen this done before, it doesn't mean that it is
'proper', and the trouble is that many of your guests are likely to
recognize that the idea is considered to be in poor taste, and this
will reflect poorly on you, and on the bride and groom.
The
proper way to handle this issue, in accordance with proper social
etiquette, is to simply invite the guests, and then if anyone
inquires about gift preferences - which guests often do - you may
tell them that the couple has everything they need, but that monetary
gifts would be appreciatively put towards the honeymoon. In other
words, it is acceptable to informally get the word out through the
grapevine - if anyone should ask. Make sure that all close
friends and family members know that this is how they should respond
to any inquiries from guests about the couple's gift preferences.
There
is something else that should be added to this answer, however....
While the concept of a money tree is not an accepted part of American
etiquette, it is an accepted tradition is some ethnic
cultures. Therefore, your future daughter-in-law is correct in
stating that it is customary in the Philippines. If the wedding will
have a traditional Filipino flavor to it, a money tree would be
allowable in this case because it is a traditional part of the ethnic
culture of the bride. In cases were there is no cultural
significance, however, this remains poor etiquette.
Since
you say that the wedding will be small, with close friends only, and
since the money tree is part of the bride's heritage, I think you can
feel comfortable in going ahead with it - however, it would still be
inappropriate to include mention of this on the invitation.
A
final tip - If you choose to have a money tree, it is a good idea to
have a supply of envelopes next to it for guests to use if they did
not think ahead to bring one. This allows guests to include their
names with their monetary gifts, rather than giving anonymously.
Etiquette also requires that every person who has given a gift (money
or other) must promptly be acknowledged after the wedding with a
written note of thanks from the bride and groom, so you will want to
ensure that the couple is able to identify who gave what.
Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com |
