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Who
Pays for the Bridesmaid Dresses?
Q: Is
it alright to request that the bridesmaids purchase their own
dresses or is that for the Bride to do?
Thank
You,
Tracy
A: It
is customary for the bridesmaids to pay for their own dresses.
However, the bride should use consideration when selecting bridesmaid
dresses, to ensure that the cost is reasonable. In the event that the
dresses she selects are higher than average in cost, or are out of
scale for the girls budgets, the bride should contribute to the cost
of the dresses, or cover the cost entirely on her own.
Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com
Where
Does the Flower Girl Walk in the Processional?
Q: My
niece is getting married, and my 4 year old daughter is the flower
girl. There is also a 4 year old ring bearer. The couple-to-be would
like the two to walk down the aisle together, which I have seen very
often. Folks on the groom's side of the family says that the flower
girl walks before the maid/matron of honor, and that the maid/matron
of honor is ALWAYS the last to walk out before the bride. I say this
is not so. That is why she is called the flower girl, she throws
flowers down for the bride to walk on. Who is right?
Cheryl
A:
You are absolutely
correct, Cheryl.
When
a flower girl is included in the wedding party, she walks directly
before the bride. Further, it's not at all uncommon for the flower
girl to be accompanied by the ring bearer -- therefore, when this is
the case, he will walk directly before the bride as well. Hope this
helps settle the confusion!
Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com
Proper
Title for The Person Who Walks the Bride Down the Aisle if Her
Father is Deceased?
Q: The
bride's father in deceased and her uncle is giving her away in
church, what title can I use for her uncle in the wedding program?
Many
Thanks,
Jill
A: The
appropriate title would be 'bride's escort'.
The very best to you,
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
How Long
Is Too Long to Send Thank You Cards?
Q: Can
you advise on the time frame for sending Thank You cards? I was told
by a few that proper etiquette is within one year of the date of the wedding.
A: Oh
heavens no, absolutely not! You've been terribly ill-advised! If you
wait a year to send your thank you notes, you'll be black-listed for
being highly inconsiderate and possessing very, very bad manners.
Anything longer than 3 months is considered absolutely inexcusable -
and, at that, you're pushing the limits. Here's the full run-down on
thank you card etiquette:
Thank
you cards are to be sent out very promptly. When gifts are received
prior to the wedding, they should be acknowledged with a thank you
card immediately (send it within 2 days). For gifts received on the
exact day of the wedding, a little bit of a grace period is allowed,
since you may obviously have a large number of cards to write, and
this may understandably take a few weeks. The general consensus among
etiquette experts is that it should not take longer than three weeks
following the wedding for all guests to receive a thank you card.
If
you are going on a very long and extended honeymoon, and are leaving
immediately after the wedding, it is understandable that you may not
have the opportunity to write thank you notes for gifts received on
the wedding day. Therefore, some etiquette experts feel it is fair to
bend the rules a little and allow you up to 6 weeks to send thank
yous under these circumstances - if absolutely necessary. Once you
start moving past 6 weeks, for any reason, you really do open
yourself to criticism for poor manners, increasingly with each
passing day -- and rightly so! Thus it is highly recommended that you
strive to stay within these guidelines. Under NO circumstances should
it ever take longer than 3 months to acknowledge your guests
thoughtfulness and consideration with a thank you. Anything past
three months, regardless of the reason, is considered entirely
inexcusable and is at the height of rudeness, ingratitude, and inconsideration.
Whomever
has been advising you that you may take up to one year to send a
thank you note is very confused. Perhaps they have misconstrued
something they may have heard about gift giving: You see, according
to etiquette, guests are never required or obliged to provide a gift
for a wedding; it is completely optional. Therefore, if a guest
chooses to give a gift, etiquette allows that THEY have up to one
full year following the date of the wedding to do so. Remember, they
don't have to give one in the first place - this is why the one year
time frame is considered allowable for the gift GIVER.
However,
when you are the RECIPIENT of a gift, you are absolutely required
and obliged to acknowledge that gift immediately. This is a matter of
common courtesy and consideration. When someone has been considerate
and generous enough to go through the effort of sending you a gift,
that kindness must be acknowledged promptly with a note of gratitude
and appreciation. Further to that, an unacknowledged gift often
leaves the giver wondering if, in fact, you actually received the
gift. It happens frequently that gifts become lost or even stolen, so
it is a valid concern.
A
gift giver should never be made to worry, wonder, or become
concerned that their gift has not reached you safely.
So
there you have it! Hope this clears up the confusion. You might want
to pass the word along to those who have provided you with the
misinformation, in order to save them the possible embarrassment of
making such a mistake!
Very
best wishes,
Linda
Kevich
Professional
wedding Consultant
Editor,
SuperWeddings.com
Instructor
of Wedding Consultant Education
International
Institute of Weddings |
|
Pre-Stamping
International Response Cards
Q: Is
it necessary to put international postage on response cards which
are going out of the USA? Or can you leave the postage off and let
them add it when responding ?
Cathy
A: It's
always proper etiquette to provide postage for reply envelopes, and
it is expected even in the case of guests who are in other countries.
Of course, you can not apply the postage yourself to envelopes which
will sent from another country, so you will need to visit your local
post office to purchase some international postal coupons which you
can include with the foreign invitations.
Very best wishes,
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com
Asking
Guests to Pay for their Meal at a Shower-Luncheon
Q:
I am the Matron of Honor for my friend's wedding. All of the
bridesmaids are pitching in for a country club luncheon. What started
out as being an affair for about 20 people has grown to approximately
35 and our budget is tight. We had wanted to provide lunch for all
the guests, but it doesn't look like we will be able to now. Is it
improper to ask the guests to pay for their own meal? The wedding
party is still providing cake, punch, chocolate covered strawberries.
Not to mention games, prizes, decorations, etc.
A:
Asking guests to cover the cost of their own meal at a bridal shower
or luncheon is extremely improper etiquette. A guest should NEVER be
required to pay their own way for the "privilege" of being
a guest - this goes entirely contrary to the concept of
"guest" in the first place. This idea is not likely to be
well received.
Basically, what
you are asking guests to do is to PAY to attend an event for which
they will ALREADY be expected to shell out money for a gift (that,
after all, is the concept of a shower). A huge faux pas. This
completely defies the meaning of the word "hosting" and it
flies in the face of graciousness, which I suspect is the last thing
you would want to do.
Guests are likely
to find this offensive or to feel imposed upon - and rightly so. Of
those who do attend, many may do so begrudgingly, perhaps
unbeknownst to you and your fellow 'hosts'. Others may be put off
enough to decide simply not to attend at all.
It's lovely that
the wedding party is providing "cake, punch, chocolate covered
strawberries, not to mention games, prizes, decorations, etc" -
however, let us not forget that as the hosts, you are the ones who
have made these selections, and thus, it is your responsibility
to provide these things. And, if you have also decided that a meal
will be served at this function, it is your responsibility to provide
that at your expense as well. This is what 'hosts' do. As hosts, you
get to decide the style, theme, date, time, location, price range,
etc, of the event - but that also entails being entirely prepared and
willing to pay for the choices you have made.
If the expenses
are getting out of hand, there is a simple solution - make alternate
plans which don't entail the same level of expense. If it's simply
not within the budget to host the type of event you were planning,
the proper thing to do is to change the plan to something which IS
within your budget to host, NOT to ask your "guests" to
help pay for it all.
Suggestion #1:
Given that the budget is tight, do you really think you need
chocolate covered strawberries, games, prizes, and decorations? This
is all very lovely - if you can afford it - but you'll fail to
impress anyone with it if you ask them to cough up the cash to
pay for your extravagance. You'd be much better off to trim away such
items if it's important host this event in a country club, and banish
the idea of requiring guests to pay for anything other than the gift
they bring with them.
Suggestion #2:
Have the shower in another location, rather than a country club. Host
a luncheon or a charming afternoon tea at the home of one of the
bridesmaids, where you can simply serve the cake, punch,
strawberries, and perhaps some finger sandwiches or canapes which you
can make yourselves at minimal expense. Bridal showers in the home
can be extremely elegant when planned with just a little attention to detail.
There is
absolutely no reason why a shower must be held at a country club -
particularly if this is not comparable with the budget you have to
work with. You can easily host an equally elegant and lovely event in
the home, and you won't run the risk or acting in poor taste or
making a significant social blunder which you are likely to regret later.
Successfully
hosting an event with "class" and "style" has
much more to do with treating your guests with graciousness and
generosity, and much less to do with WHERE the event takes place.
Linda Kevich
Professional
Wedding Consultant
Editor, SuperWeddings.com |
Linda
Kevich is the creator and editor of SuperWeddings.com. She has been a
professional wedding consultant for the past ten years, and now
teaches the business of wedding consulting through a home
study program she has developed. Have a
wedding question? Click here to ask the expert!
|
|
Linda Kevich is the creator and
editor of SuperWeddings.com. She has been a professional wedding
consultant for the past ten years, and now teaches the business of
wedding consulting through a home
study program she developed and
administers. Have a wedding question?
Click here
to ask the expert!
|
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