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What's
the Etiquette on Wedding Favors?
Q:
Is
is proper to give each couple ONE favor or should it be a favor for
each guest? We've been told both have been done. We're leaning on one
per guest. Thanks.
A:
You've absolutely
got the right idea to be leaning towards one favor per person. This
indeed is the 'proper' and most gracious way to handle the issue of
favors. While it is true that some couples give only one favor per
couple, this is the exception rather than the norm and it is not recommended. |
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Must
Shower Guests Be Wedding Guests Too?
Q:
The
bride has chosen to have a VERY small and intimate ceremony/
reception, inviting 50-75 guests total...would it be appropriate to
have a bridal shower inviting friends and relatives who haven't been
invited to the ceremony/ reception? Please respond ASAP - the wedding
is two months away! Thank you, Barb
A:
It
is highly improper to invite guests to the shower who will not be
invited to attend the wedding. Put simply, this is a huge
"no-no" and should never be done. The rules of etiquette
would render this to be in poor taste, but more importantly, such an
approach could lead to some very hurt feelings. Shower guests may
feel slighted if they do not receive an invitation to the wedding. An
invitation to a shower usually implies that an invitation to the
wedding will be forthcoming. Inviting people only to the shower may
be construed as a bid for gifts, even though the very best of
intentions may be behind it. Usually the 'all or nothing' approach
prevails. There is an old expression that flies around in such
scenarios - guests have been heard to mutter, "It was only my
'presents' which was desired, not my 'presence'", when invited
to the shower, but excluded from the big day itself. It is always
best to avoid the potential for such hard feelings.
The
only time it is acceptable to invite people to a shower who will not
be invited to the wedding is in the case of an office bridal shower.
In other words, when you are throwing a shower for a co-worker, to be
attended only by other co-workers.
Who Gets
Invited to a Shower?
Q:
My
daughter is getting married in May. We are thinking of a shower in
March - just women. Who is invited to the wedding shower? Just family
and close friends or everyone you plan to invite to the wedding? Some
family and friends who will be invited to the wedding live out of
state, so certainly I don't anticipate them coming to the shower,
even if invited. However, if I do send an invitation, I don't want
them to feel obligated to send a gift when obviously they're not
going to be able to come. What's the proper etiquette? Joyce
A:
The
shower guest list can be handled one of two possible ways. You may
choose to invite all women who you will be inviting to the wedding.
This will likely make for a very large shower and may need to be held
in a hall. Alternatively, if you prefer, and if this is something the
bride herself would be more comfortable with, you may choose to have
a smaller, more intimate shower where only close family and friends
are invited.
Either
option is perfectly acceptable and both conform to the rules of
etiquette. Apart from that, the option you choose becomes a matter of
personal preference.
The
one thing you should absolutely never do, under any circumstances,
is to invite people to the shower who will not
be invited to the wedding. All shower guests must be on the wedding
guest list as well.
As
for the out of town guests who you know can not possibly attend the
shower, it is thoughtful of you to want to make them feel included by
sending them an invitation. An invitation, however, usually does
inevitably make one feel obliged to send a gift. If it is your
intention to avoid having them feel this way, it may be best to
simply not send these individuals an invitation, since you know it is
not feasible for them to attend.
The
other possible option is to send such people a shower invitation
along with a note that reads something along the lines of: "We
realize it's not possible for you to attend the shower, but just
thought you might like to have a copy of the invitation as a
keepsake. Wish you could be there, but we hope to see you at the
wedding". This should help to make the intention behind sending
the invitation a little more clear, and will help to remove some of
the pressure that may be felt to send a gift. Nonetheless, the
likelihood remains good that many of these recipients will still
choose to go ahead and send a gift even under these circumstances.
Aisle
Runner Question:
Q:
When is the Aisle
Runner unrolled? Just before the bride's entrance or before the
entire wedding party enters? Please let me know as soon as possible -
our wedding is two weeks away! Thanks for your help, Rene'
A:
That's an
excellent question and shows that you are really thinking ahead to
every last and specific detail! So many brides fail to think out this
level of fine detail, and then find themselves in chaos at the very
last moment!
The aisle runner
is unrolled just before the start of the ceremony. It is an indicator
that the processional is about to begin. The bride, as well as her
attendants, take their walk on the runner. Practically speaking, this
makes the most sense so as not to interrupt the 'flow' of the
processional, as someone would have to pause to unroll the runner
right before the bride's entrance.
Just as an aside,
you might like to know the reason behind the tradition of using an
aisle runner. In ancient times it was believed that evil spirits
lurked beneath the floor boards of the church but that a runner
placed upon the floor for the couple to walk on would protect them
from those spirits. Additionally, a white runner symbolizes a pathway
of purity.
There you have it!
Congratulations and have a fabulous wedding! |
