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Group
Gift From Bridal Party
Q:
I
am the maid of honor in a wedding . The best man and I have heard
that we are supposed to get a gift for the bride and groom from the
entire wedding party. We chose a gift which was reasonable in price,
meaning each person would only have to chip in $10. There are two
people who don't know if they want to chip in. What are we supposed
to do? Forget the gift or just forget them?
A:
A
gift from the entire wedding party is a very nice touch, but
defiantly not considered necessary. Remember, it is customary for
each member of the wedding party to give a gift of their own, as any
wedding guest would do. Add to that the cost of bridesmaid apparel or
tuxedo rentals, and its understandable that some attendants might
find the request to cough up another $10 for a group gift stressful
on the budget. Therefore, if the issue of the group gift is a source
of consternation, let the idea go. If you are determined to do it,
you will have to be willing to proceed despite the lack of full
participation from all members of the wedding party. In that case,
the gift card must not draw attention to the fact that certain
individuals did not contribute to the purchase of the gift.
Engagement
Announcement Wording
Q:
What should an engagement announcement say when the
couple is paying for everything themselves, but does not want all the
pretentiousness of who they work for and where they are from (our
families know us already)??? Thanks, Ilyssa.
A:
The following wording is in keeping with etiquette and
I think you will find that it's simplicity suits your needs:
Jane Smith and Peter Brown are pleased to announce
their forthcoming marriage. A June wedding is planned in Los Angeles, California.
Best Wishes to you!
Etiquette
For a Choosing Best Man
Q:
What is the etiquette rule on choosing a Best Man? I
have asked a close friend from out of state to stand up with me and I
am catching some grief from my sister-in-law and my mother. They are
saying I should have asked my brother. What is proper here? Scott
A:
Your best man should be the person who you feel
closest to and whom you genuinely want to bestow that honor upon.
There are no rules which say that you must choose a brother over a
close friend. The real rule is that you should follow your heart.
Often, the best man happens to be the groom's brother, because often
this is whom the groom has the closest relationship with - but this
is certainly not always the case, and it is just as valid to select a
friend. The most important thing to remember when selecting members
of your wedding party is to be true to your own feelings rather than
trying to fulfill other people's images of how things should be done.
I always recommend that you put your choices for members of your
wedding party up against the following test: Picture yourself ten
years from now, reflecting back upon your wedding day. Will you still
feel good about the decisions you made regarding who would stand up
for you on your wedding day, or will you find yourself saying,
"Gosh, I really wish I had chosen so-and-so instead"? Keep
in mind also that your brother can still be included in the wedding
as a groomsman, an usher, or a master of ceremonies.
The best to you!
Is it Proper
to Open Gifts at the Reception?
Q:
Is it common nowadays for the couple to open their
gifts at the reception? I have never seen this before.
A:
The general consensus among etiquette experts is that
this is quite improper, not at all in good form, and it is strongly
discouraged. When it occurs it is an exception, not an emerging
trend. Opening gifts in front of guests always presents the
possibility for uncomfortable situations, and a good host or gracious
couple will never put their guests in such a position. Imagine how a
guest might feel when they discover that someone else has given the
couple an identical gift to the one they went to great effort to
select. Consider how awkward a guest who has given a gift of money
might feel when no wrapped package bearing their name has been
opened; they may worry that others have assumed that they simply
choose not to give a gift at all. And, of course, to even consider opening
monetary gifts other than in private would be in extremely poor taste.
It should be pointed out, however, that in some
geographic regions, it is actually traditional to open gifts at the
wedding and is very acceptable within such regions. But apart from
these few regional exceptions, it is most definitely considered to be
improper etiquette.
Linda
Kevich is the creator and editor of SuperWeddings.com. She has been a
professional wedding consultant for the past ten years, and now
teaches the business of wedding consulting through a home
study program she has developed. Have a
wedding question? Click here to ask the expert!
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